If you have a secretary or administrative assistant and did not take him or her to lunch on Wednesday you blew it.

What used to be called Secretary’s Day (now recognized as Administrative Assistant’s Day) is observed on Wednesday of the last full week in April.

With the possible exception of National Temp Help Week, we aren’t big on observing the contributions of support people in America.

On October 16 we have Bosses Day. A rare opportunity to do some apple polishing in full view of co-workers without suffering too many catcalls at the water cooler.

I find it especially touching that some professions get more than a single day. They’ve inexplicably given up thirty of them for “Be Kind to Editors and Writers Month.”

I am uncertain what sort of kindnesses should be trotted out on our behalf. I’m not even sure exactly how writers and editors got lumped together like that. We are entirely different animals and are frequently on opposite sides of the publishing fence.

Reporters are always trying to beat a deadline, change clothes in a phone booth, and whoosh off to another story. Editors are always muddying the literary waters by demanding that we fly back to our desks first to consult our dictionaries for spelling and syntax errors and then to measure our noses to see if any truth managed to wheedle its way into our stories.

Generally speaking then, editors are to writers as a kid with a magnifying glass is to a red ant on a summer sidewalk. The noble editors of this stellar publication being prime exceptions, of course.

Returning to the theme (yes I have one) all this business of changing the names of things around for everyone’s comfort makes both of our jobs more difficult.

While I understand the logic behind many politically correct changes in our terminology I’m not sure why it was felt that “Secretary’s Day” carried a negative connotation. Today substantial numbers of men are secretaries and I’m told they are now a status symbol in the highest corporate circles. Go figure.

But I have been alternately amused and amazed by people’s attempts to rearrange reality by simply changing words around.

None of us are limited by “handicaps” anymore. We have “challenges” at the very most. The word “special” has become a catch-all that can mean everything from those who need ongoing assistance to those who are extremely gifted. The language is becoming more and more difficult to speak through its burgeoning but often contradictory vagaries.

In some cases we’ve reversed the meanings of words entirely. The words “literally” and “figuratively” have changed places. How many times have you heard someone say “There were LITERALLY billions of ants on my candy bar.” What they mean is “figuratively” billions...but whose counting?

You never hear the word “handicapped” anymore. It is as if it has become a dirty word. There is no use for it. I’d like to see a world free of handicapped individuals too but removing the word from the lexicon isn’t the answer.

If that worked we could have simply shortened our vocabulary by the length of the words “Barry” and “Manilow” and prevented significant cultural erosion during the Insipid Seventies. And don’t get your knickers twisted and write me letters. I’m just kidding. I think Barry and the 70’s were both just swell.