The Greatest Show on Earth It was one of Kurt Vonnegut’s novels. I think it was Cat’s Cradle. Vonnegut fans will correct me I’m sure. In any case, the basic precept was that a space traveling Tralfamadorian is en route from one extreme corner of the universe to the other when his spacecraft stalls and he is forced to land on Venus. Tralfamadorians, being advanced in some ways, communicate through a system of telekinesis which is very slow. While waiting for his fellows to send a spare part, our traveler decides to observe the planet earth from a safe distance for the several millennia it will take for his message to be delivered. While their extra senses are highly developed, Tralfamadorians have one tragic flaw in their reasoning. Since most other life forms in their solar system aren’t much brighter than our orchids, they are considered the chameleons of their solar system because they can fool other species into believing they are one of their own by perfectly replicating any two aspects of their prey’s form of life. In preparation for the Tralfamadorian’s inevitable earthly visit it observes a man very carefully for a few minutes. He sees him do two things. He sees him tap dance and break wind. Upon landing, whenever the Tralfamadorian encounters an earthling, he very confidently begins tap dancing and breaking wind simultaneously, secure in the knowledge that is being taken for a native. The fact that he is green and nine feet tall does not dampen his resolve. The concept of aliens observing us from afar stuck with me since reading that. I have often wondered what observations they might make after long term observation. They would watch pieces of our crust break off of our western coast along fault lines running under schools and hospitals. Then, when the shaking had stopped, they would watch us rebuild those schools and hospitals on the exact same spots. They would marvel as we poked paper tubes in our mouths stuffed with ragweed. The wise guy in their number might quip, “Good Lord. What will they do next? Set the tube on fire?” He and his shipmates would laugh really hard...for a minute. They would note that one of our highest held traditions concerned the welfare of our young. They would note the importance we placed on their education. They would also observe that we paid our teachers bupkus while rewarding men who were skilled at striking a sphere with a club much more than our finest teachers, scientists or humanitarians. They would watch us draw imaginary lines on the face of our globe, then kill each other in mass numbers as our leaders tried to rearrange them one direction or the other. Is it any wonder most sci-fi movies end with the destruction of our major cities? They probably figure they are putting us out of our misery. They may be right.